and suddenly, i was falling
I mostly feel like im being consumed with this overwhelming wave of numbness. Hopelessness, emptiness, nothingness.
This *lack* of feeling is what I thinks makes me saddest of all. Not knowing what to feel. I have waves of sadness, but i’m mostly just empty.
It’s usually easier to be angry. But I have nothing to be mad about. It would be easier if you had wronged me, but you haven’t. You were just honest… you came from your heart, didn’t hold it in for a long time. I don’t know what to do with that.
Of course I’m hurt. I saw great things. It felt right. I was really falling for you. I think I could have loved you… which honestly scares the shit out of me to say.
But I’ve just been in this never-ending cycle of hurt and tricks and lies and failed relationships. I don’t think I have the emotional capacity to feel the hurt anymore. Which scares me more than anything else.
The only thing that keeps me together is knowing it was real while it lasted. That it was honest and true. I haven’t had that in a long, long time. Maybe we were right. Maybe we’ll meet again someday, and the timing will be right. But until then, I’ll be here.
Healing.
1 year ago • Notes